This “five tweets per day” business is trickier than it really should be. I had five tweets prepared and ready to go…and then I used up my battery power watching Salad Fingers and left myself with a dead phone for the rest of the work day. GOD I’M BRILLIANT.
So I think “Eh, I’ll just play catch up when I get home.” This goes smoothly until I get a call from a female friend of mine to hit a couple bars. I managed one more tweet before the alcohol kicked in. Wait, no, that’s not true. I managed one more tweet before we started pawing each other. There we go. And in the ensuing struggle between sex and artistic integrity, um, sex won by a mile.
If it sounds like I’m gloating, I am, sorry ’bout that. (I HAD SEX, BWAHAHAHA!) I’m two months out of what was a pretty serious relationship, so I can’t bring myself to apologize for any unattached sexy times had on my part. Hopefully Liz thinks my lack of sexual prowess is a result of my then-somewhat-inebriated state.
Anyhoo, unless the gods smile on me again today, expect five tweets as promised. Things are gonna get a little splattery now that the bodies are piling up, plus the language may get mildly foul. So if either scenario is taboo for you, be warned: I’m gonna write what comes to me. If it feels natural, it’s going in. Self-censorship is a post-modern plague.
– The Awful Writer